This is so worth cleaning my room for!
In just a few hours now is my birthday, and my dad decided that since I'll be gone all weekend to give me my presents early.

Two of them are almost a god-sent!
I finally got a drawing tablet for my computer so I can start making some stuff on the comp that looks good and I can post it here.
The other thing was a game pad. I guess you program it so you can play pretty much any computer game with it and it's easier then using your keyboard or mouse! But that I have to read up on a little more.

Oh happy day!

So yesterday about 4:30 pm my Step-Grandmother called me and said my Grandfather had passed away during surgery.
Apparently his heart couldn't take whatever they were doing and well.... yeah.
The only times I've stopped crying is for breif moments when I'm packing for the weekend or when I pause in the proccess of my yarn ball.
Now both my mothers' parents are gone..... my family is slowly shrinking and my greatest fear of being alone just took a step closer and glared at me.
The other kicker is yesterday was his birthday.... excellent isn't it!
The step-gram is working it out so we can have the funeral tommarow morning before I go out to fest, "Papa" already has his plot in Fort Snelling and the step-gram isnt going to bother with a wake just a visitation before the funeral tommarow morning.
Through my tears and hurt I made a comment to a dear friend and it upset him, for this I could never appoligize enough.
I'm hoping this weekend will be ok, I will just throw on my "mask" and pretend that everything is going great and just as I have in the past so many times my tears shall be bottled away and I will try to enjoy myself with my friends. Try is the key word.
This weekend at fest is the dance party, I'm hoping to go Neko if -03- will let me bum his other ears, that should cheer my gloomy-ass up... I hope.

So last week I was pretty bored so I decided to take on a project that would fit nicely with -03-'s charcter at fest..... I made a giant ball of yarn.

That damn thing took me all week long, but god was it perty!
It's camo colors and black which is very nutral and earthy, perfect for fest!
Anyways the first day we went out there with it everyone loved it right away! -03- renforced it with some cording and made it really sturdy and now he uses it to "fish for patrons" however it is not only the patrons who absolutly love the ball.... other festies love it too, even the Lord Mayor stopped and played with it! It has become a major hit around those grounds in just one weekend!
I also made some smaller balls which we were going to use for poi, instead we ended up giving one to the King for his birthday and that resulted in him using it to amuse his "Son" the prince by throwing it and making the prince fetch it... of course after fetching it the prince had to hump the planter and the King and I had a discussion about our children and how screwed up they are (btw -03- is supposed to be my son). But yeah, -03- loves it and so does most of fest, I do sometimes have to remind patrons and kids that they shouldn't kick it or hit it too hard as I don't want it to pop or break, I don't mind if -03- breaks it cause it's his toy and he will just be out a ball of yarn but I know he will fix it or I will just be sad enough that I will have to make a new one (which I am actually doing this week ^_^) but if a patron breaks it I will cry!
I get plenty of luv from -03- for his new toy although I like to give him shit and say I don't get enough but he knows I'm only playing around, we both love the ball and I love seeing the smiles on peoples faces when they either play with it with -03- or when they just admire it... it makes me feel really proud that I did something that will people happy and possiably give them a much more amusing time at the festival! I love my yarn ball!
Now if only I could post a pic of it on here with this post.... unfortunitly S-O-L has the only pictures of it in action thus far but once I get them from him they will be here!

Right now, as of about 2 hours ago life really sucks.

I don't really wanna go into it all but it really does suck.

Actually it does more then suck.... its becoming a living nightmare.... one of which I doubt I will ever wake up from.

I didn't think my depression scale could ever hit a low such as this.....

All I can say is I'm starting to finally see who my real friends are and who has been wearing masks for so long, the people I've been hanging out with recently have made my life great but those I've known for a long time are finally coming out from the woodwork and one by one are putting their knives into my back and spitting upon all the good I have done for them in their lives.

I just wish I could curl up by someone who cares so I can feel some comfert and stare at the stars and wish for something more.... a something that will probably never come.

So this past weekend was the start of fest.... supposed to be loads of fun right.... well it only sorta was.

Ok let's look at the events that led up to this past weekend....

Almost two weeks ago I went to Iowa with Amaya and while there I finally met her friend who we'll call -03-. The weekend was fun, I got to ranger around which is their form of security at AI, I got to hang out with people I hadn't seen in a while, and made new friends and new connections. While there however, I took to my nature and after -03- got abrasions on his cornias which resulted in extreme sensitivity to pretty much every amount of light, I took care of him while his friends went out and partied it up at the con. I was rewarded in a couple ways for my efforts though, one of those was many tastey drinks made for me by -01- (yeah drinking while having to stay awake and put eye drops in someone's eyes every hour ... thank god for high tolerance), and I also gained an awesome friend.

After AI it was time to plan for fest. After a small party of hot tubbing and having fun with friends, I recruited -03- and our friend Tony to help me and my friend Chad build a platform for our tent at fest. The night we were all out there Chad didn't get out till late so the plateform did not get done.... but -03-, Tony and me still had fun playing on the grounds. So the next day was the day before opening day, I asked -03- nicely if he wanted to come and hang out with me and Chad and help set up our tent and stuff in exchange for getting to do something not many patrons get to do, stay out on the festival site in the campground and go to the parties and such..... he jumped at this oppurtunity and well, now he works there! Yeah I have someone to play with!
I am now someone's fest mommy..... it's a weird thing though cause he's only less then 3 years younger then me but it's still an awesome feeling, I never thought I'd become someone's fest mom. He plays my cat Binx and roams with me playing in the streets and plotting to take over the french!
So anyways, Friday night we hung out in the pub for a bit having some fun with cat nip, and then I took him over to the Blit and had myself a drink and introduced him to some people such as the town cryer.... I think after just that night that he is going to fit in nicely with the festie crowd.
So the night was ok, we didn't sleep much due to the "angry puma" on the other side of the tent (plus neither of us sleep much anyway) but the morning came and I didn't see my breathe... this ment bad weather... it's a festie way of knowing this..... and sure enough right as -03- got me dressed up at the bakery it started to rain! Gerrr!

Normally I don't mind the rain, bring it on I say unless I'm driving or wearing a rather nice 45 pound tapestry dress and corset!
But we survived, I cut out of costume early so I could go check on the tent... good thing I did too because our lil' home was taking on water.... sucks. So that night -03- and I went to our friend's house and had pizza and got to wash our clothes in a washer (awesomeness), and we got to stay somewhere dry and we wouldn't wake up in a puddle.

Sunday however really sucked..... The festival had to close early that day. When we got there it was only slightly crappy.... then it got really nice kind of like a teasing slutty whore who teases you then walks away.... at about 2:30 a storm snuck up on us and it was bad!
The faire got over 15" of rain that day.... it closed early for the first time in many years..... So -03- and I went back to get our stuff from Will's, went to eat, then I took him home..... it was a nice weekend despite the weather!

So Monday was fun.... I was supposed to have people over for hot tubbing.... that somewhat failed.....
Amaya, Matt, and -03- came over and we all hung out watching movies and such. Then later that night Amaya thought we should go to the bar.... unfortunitly her man couldn't go cause he's too young so -03- and amaya put me into my corset, -03- had to drive cause I couldn't bend too well and we were off!
At the bar I had two drinks... this should be fine for me seeing as I know I have a high tolerance..... but apparently drinking in a corset is bad! While -03- and Amaya danced I went and crashed on a couch in the bar.... the corset eventully had to come off so I took amaya's second shirt and threw that on... much more comfy! At perkins I was still tipsy and I failed my sobriety test.... not too bad I'm told but still failed.
When we got home, -03- and I had some cat nip and amaya and matt went to bed on my floor. -03- and I stayed up till six or so figuring out pictures and things before sleeping.

The next morning I toook Matt and Amaya home then -03- and I went to the Martial Arts store to putz around.... I was gaining a bad headach at this point so I thought I should eat. We went to Potbellys which I had never been to before and it was very good.
The we roamed the mall a bit and my headache only got worse....
Once we reached the bookstore it was unbearable. -03- gave me his goggles to help block out light and while that helped a bit I had to walk around blind because I couldn't wear my glasses with them (now I know how he felt when he first wrecked his eyes). After the book store we went back to his house which he drove to because I was in such pain I was nearly in tears, once there his grandma gave me meds and he let me sleep for a while. About four hours later I woke up to something I've never woken up to before "Beck time to get up, Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes." ....... I thought I was still dreaming.... noone has ever woke me up saying that, not even my own mother!
It was awesome that -03- and Grandma made dinner for me as well, we had chicken, pasta and corn on the cob.... I haven't been able to eat corn on the cob since I was 5! Go me!
So yeah.... good times good times....

Anyways that's life up untill.... like 3 hours ago after I dropped off -03- after hanging out with -01-..... and so life goes on and so does prep for another fest weekend!

Muhc luv,
-15-